salvation
by kazeno
Summary: [apocripha0] sapphirus ponders the meaning of salvation.


salvation

llyse

They were both teetering on the edge of sanity, Sapphirus knew. The shrine was dark as pitch, walls seeming to fade away into infinity and press oppressively closer at the same time. The darkness in the place played tricks on his mind, conjuring up images of a golden-haired young prince, and his laughter, and his tears, and his blood.

His blood. It stained Sapphirus' hands, bright-and-dark splashes on his shirt and pants, invisible on the dark fabric of cloak and gloves. He tugged off one glove now, almost experimentally. No blood on his hands. Blood though, aplenty, on his soul, soaking into the fabric of it--if souls had fabric--and marking him unmistakably as a sinner. Death he had dealt, death he had tasted, just like his viridian-haired companion, the young man who stood in the precise center of the ornate portal leading to the shrine and staring blankly at the conflagration he had made of the hillside. Jade was no more sane than Sapphirus, despite his seeming composure.

Did he think he would achieve salvation, too?

"Did you, Jade?" Sapphirus murmured to his ungloved left hand. He clasped his hands together, parted them, and regarded newly-printed bloodstains on his formerly clean hand.

"Did I what?"

"Did you truly believe Seles offered us true salvation? Perhaps--perhaps he is a trick, a demon sent by the king of demons to lure us into this darkness."

Jade laughed, his voice harsh. "Of course I did. Why else would I go to all this trouble? It wasn't easy looking after that picky little prince, you know?"

Why else, indeed?

"Had we resisted," mused the ocean-haired young man, "we would have died cleanly. Not by suicide--surely, suicide is a sin! At least we would have died with our wings intact, our souls unsullied¡­ We would not have been involved in this¡­ dirty business, this butcher's work. Betrayal¡­ is a sin."

"I imagine, yes." Jade stalked back into the room, lighted the lamp with a wave of a hand and a few harshly uttered syllables that were barely sufficient to control the fitful flares of his magic. No, Jade was no saner than Sapphirus. Platina's advisor hauled Sapphirus to his feet, scrutinizing him from head to toe with violet eyes turned red-purple by the flames, and snorted with disgust. "I should have known," he snapped, letting Sapphirus go. "You're so torn up about the red prince, you're barely fit to fight."

"No, my Prince," Sapphirus murmured dreamily, sinking back down on the stone steps. "Don't worry, it has ended. You will be saved. God's love¡­" Would God's love save Prince Alex? It would. It had to. Alex did not deserve to live in this filthy land; Alex would live in heaven, watched over by the great angels, joyful, carefree. The young prince was a pure soul; the gates of heaven were open to him, and he could achieve what Sapphirus had lost through his association with this¡­ hell.

"Shut up."

"You should not worry, Jade. Platina's¡­ happy. I'm sure he is." Sapphirus stood, glancing at the light that flared through the portal. Even the flames were tinged with darkness, here.

"You're an idiot. And what makes you think I'm worried about Platina?"

This time it was Sapphirus who pinned Jade with an intense gaze. "Why do you hide the truth? We've been together for long enough, I can tell when you're upset." The smile he offered Jade was twisted. "I know you love the blue prince. What you did was right: you saved him. You¡­ you should have saved me, too. It would have been better than this."

"You're not making any sense," Jade said, but his body was rigid, and he spoke like one hoping to stave off inner demons with a fusillade of words. "First you say this is butcher's work, and then you say it's a good thing that we're doing. Get your story straight, _Sapphi_," he added in a mocking falsetto. "_Alex_ wouldn't have believed this contradictory crock of shit."

"The betrayal was a sin," Sapphirus said calmly. The calmness welled from somewhere deep inside him, where the madness did not reach¡­ or perhaps had already conquered and moved on. "We should not have betrayed their trust. And I believe Seles is not all that he seemed."

"So we should have told them, 'Oh, my Prince, I want the jewel that is your birthright and symbol of your power, and I believe I need to kill you for your own good too', yes?" Jade snorted. "I've had enough. We summon Seles, here, whether you're ready or not."

He was ready, was he not? And in any case it would not matter what new stain he placed on his corrupt soul: he would never reach heaven again. He could only hope that Prince Alex had reached paradise safely. Whether Seles could give them what he had promised¡­ whether Sapphirus would see heaven again¡­ It did not matter. The calmness had spread through his entire body now, and he had an inkling that it meant the madness had moved through his whole body and mind and was closing upon his soul.

"Alex," he whispered to the darkness, "save me."

a/n 3/10 Expect nothing of coherency from this little piece; this is the literary equivalent of random doodling, and should be treated as such. Forgive me.


End file.
